Road-tripping from Oregon to Princeton Seminary (Summer 2019)

Rapid City, South Dakota, as seen from a crest of Dinosaur Park as the sun set.

On Monday, my wife Grace and I packed our Subaru Forester full of our belongings, tearfully said goodbye to friends and family and began the trek from Lafayette, Oregon, to Princeton, New Jersey, so that I could continue theological studies at Princeton Theological Seminary. Our hearts were filled to the brim with feeling.

It seemed like I was on a Tilt-a-Whirl ride of emotion, in one moment feeling elated for the opportunity to study with such brilliant folks at such a storied place, in the next moment feeling heartsick as I remembered my family and dear friends in Oregon. The next feeling was a sinking, creeping fear often called "Imposter's Syndrome," but then, I was awash with comfort from an Inner Voice that guides and heals, restores and directs - You are loved and enough.

As I sit now at a small desk in a Red Roof Inn in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, the Tilt-a-Whirl seems to have slowed a bit and I am grabbing the railings and settling on certain thoughts and feelings. In particular, I keep asking myself the question I answered in my application essay to Princeton Sem: What is my vocational direction? What is it I plan to do with the degree I'm pursuing?

Tonight, I am pausing to reflect on Ephesians 2:10, in which Paul is writing to the Ephesians about their identity. Paul uses the language of adoption in Ephesians 1, telling the Ephesians, and now me, about our belovedness to God. And, in Ephesians 2, Paul begins to urge the Ephesians, and now me, toward a certain way of life as part of our adoption into God's family.

"For we are what God has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life"

In the past, this passage took on a sort of strict, predestined connotation to me - everything I would do had already been "prepared" for me by some far-off, controlling deity so I had little choice in the matter.

But, in recent years, I have caught sight of Jesus' Abba, seeing a loving, tender God who is more interested in my thriving and growth than in controlling my life and doling out punishment.

It seems to me that Paul is urging the Ephesians, and me, to a certain way of life, one of reconciliation, of familial love, of unity, and of the Spirit. What a relief from God arranging every moment of our lives in a controlling, megalomaniac kind of way!

Paul goes on to say that two very divided groups of people, the Jews and the Gentiles, are made as one in Jesus - the walls between are broken down and the wrongs between them are reconciled (see Eph. 2:11-22). This change is breathtaking, especially as we consider the stark conflicts in many parts of our world.

As I ponder what my vocation might be, I am drawn continuously to the ministry of reconciliation. How might I be a part of breaking down walls and reconciling wrongs? How might I do the work of the Spirit in a social and political milieu that seems to always be tearing at the seams? How might I perform justice and mercy here and now?

As I think of the community of friends and family I have left behind to pursue training as a minister of reconciliation, I tenderly hold to the memories of love, grace, and mercy, and I strain toward more of Christ's in-breaking Kingdom.

As I step into a season of rigorous study and formation at Princeton Seminary, I hope to continuously draw nearer to the way of life I was created for, one that is marked by reconciliation, of caring for others, and for the breaking down of walls. This is a work and way of life that I, and we, have been created for.