Manipulation and Control in Spiritual Abuse

This is the fourth article in a ten-part series on spiritual abuse.

This article will offer insight into how manipulation and control are primary factors in cults, high-demand groups, and abusive churches.

"Spiritually abusive groups routinely use guilt, fear, and intimidation as effective means for controlling their members...the leaders consciously foster an unhealthy form of dependency, spiritually and interpersonally, by focusing on themes of submission, loyalty, and obedience to those in authority. In all totalitarian environments, dependency is necessary for subjugation." - Ronald Enroth, Churches That Abuse

Many of us might be unfamiliar with the term "totalitarian," but it is a typical characteristic of abusive groups. Sociologist Janja Lalich, for instance, also names "totalitarianism" and "separatism" as frequent features of abusive groups.

Totalitarianism involves an exclusiveness and extremism in ideology. The phrase was first used to describe Italian Fascism in the 1920s. In the years since it has been used to describe any system that requires a type of absolute devotion to a leader or group. This devotion is "total," thus the title "totalism" or "totalitarianism."

Separatism is related, but not the same. It involves the separation of a group from the greater society. While many abusive groups might be active in their recruiting efforts, they remain quite withdrawn by condemning the "outer world" made up by non-members. In an abusive Christian church, this dynamic might be seen in a pastor's routine criticism and condemnation of other churches. While attending an abusive church, members get the message that no one is as special as their group and, perhaps more pointedly, no group leaders are as special as their group leader.

Instead of a charity and generosity to others, these sorts of messages demonize those who are outside one's own group. This is part of a system of manipulation and control aimed at keeping members in and under the direction of the group's leadership.

In contrast, healthy groups can acknowledge what dynamics make them "special" or unique (e.g. "we serve our community well" or "we have an awesome worship band"), while acknowledging that other groups have qualities that make them good as well. It is a warning sign if a leader or group cannot find anything good to say about others and creates a culture of fear and withdrawal.

In Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, psychiatrist Robert Lifton identified eight psychological themes that play a part in "ideological totalism." He derived these themes from analyzing the "brainwashing" techniques used in Communist China. Lifton strikingly said that "where totalism exists, a religion, a political movement, or even a scientific organization becomes little more than an exclusive cult."

The following eight dynamics are typically present in abusive religious groups and tend to mold followers into what Lifton calls the "psychology of the pawn."

1) Milieu Control - the control of communication with the outside world but also within the follower's inner life

The totalist group aims to control how followers interact with others, and, on a deeper level, how they interact with themselves. The control of the group "seeps in" to the mind of the followers so that the way they think about themselves and the inner dialogue is impacted by the group's control. Such groups do so by limiting or restricting access to outside narratives and by short-circuiting inner reflection. Much of the following themes fall somewhere within "milieu control" as a group employs different practices to keep members in the group and under control.

2) Mystical Manipulation - a "planned spontaneity" that makes followers feel a spiritual connection to a higher purpose (controlled by the group)

This theme is one that involves the abusive group's strategic moves to capture the followers in a feeling of being part of a higher calling that demands high commitment. The follower "becomes sensitive to all kinds of cues, expert at anticipating environmental pressures, and skillful in riding them in such a way that his psychological energies merge with the tide rather than turn painfully against himself." So, the follower actually invites the high commitment in as his own commitment. In order to feel more at home in the controlling atmosphere, members in abusive groups begin to take on the group's values as their own, thanks, in part, to the pairing of the values with "spiritual" experiences.

3) The Demand for Purity - the world is divided into two groups, the "pure" and "impure"

Members are encouraged to purity, which is of course, arranged in alignment with the group's own ideals and interests, while those things that do not serve the group's purposes are deemed "impure," "bad," or "evil." Gone are the nuances we all understand to be inherent to being human. A very "black and white" or binary view of the world becomes normal as does a rejection of all those people (including the parts of one's self) who do not fit with the group's values.

4) The Cult of Confession - members are compelled to make all their misdeeds known

Personal confession ties into the demand for purity as the follower is compelled to fess up to any areas of behavior or thinking that do not fit with the totalist group's values and ideals. As "sin" is confessed, the group cracks down on the follower with shame, guilt, and even physical punishments. The areas of "weakness" are exploited, not forgiven or offered solace.

5) The "Sacred Science" - the group's core vision is "airtight" and not to be questioned

The vision of the group is considered an "ultimate moral vision" for human existence. Only the group's ideas can save the world, rescue from sin, give hope, etc. Questioning the substance of an abusive group's vision is oftentimes met with shaming, dismissals, or sidestepping. The "sacred science" is not to be questioned in an abusive group.

6) Loading the Language - the group adopts phrases that capture "truths" inherent to the group

Loaded language for Lifton is a type of signal within groups that, in a compressed way, relates to larger themes and "truths" within the group. Such language has the effect of being "unquestionable." One example of such loaded language was a phrase frequently repeated to members who attempted to leave a local church. "God only calls people to a place not away from a place." This is a phrase that was unique to the culture of this church and served as an axiom, or a statement that is self-evidently true. It operated as a form of "loaded language" as it triggered the heavily ingrained idea that leaving the church was akin to abandoning the leadership and connected to disobedience to God.

Loaded language short-circuits critical thinking and is actually a means of restriction to thinking that benefits the group. At the same time, when group members use "loaded language," they signal to others that they are part of the in-group and can carry the benefits associated with the group. What members don't realize when they're inside an abusive group, however, is that loaded language "chains" how they think about God, about themselves, and about the world. The language itself restricts members from having certain thoughts that might challenge the group's control over them.

7) Doctrine Over Person - human experience is subordinated to the doctrine of the group

In abusive groups, the experiences of the people don't really matter to the group - it is more important that the experiences of the members cohere to the form the group has given them. People should constantly serve the ideas the group has about the world, not the other way around.

For instance, if the idea that all people besides the leader of a group are somehow inept and defective, any human experience that shows otherwise is stomped out. People who are gifted and effective are discouraged from showing it so that the doctrine can be upheld and solidified. As a result, people actually begin to adapt to the doctrine; they will behave in ways that confirm the group's doctrine that they are inept. However, in healthy groups, people, their uniqueness, and their experiences are honored and respected. They are not forced into doctrinal boxes that don't fit them and are inappropriate for their needs and giftings.

8) The Dispensing of Existence - some people are recognized; others are not

In totalist groups, certain people are dehumanized. Lifton calls such people "nonpeople" in the eyes of the group. Lifton uses the example of the execution of certain "political criminals" in communist China, unless such criminals were to embrace progress in reforming to the communist group's values.

In abusive religious groups such "dispensing of existence" might happen through the practice of shunning. The group might not condone something as extreme as execution, but through shunning and shaming, they can turn people into "nonpeople." Shunned persons no longer have a voice, a connection to the community, or a role to play in the world of the group. Shunning is always hurtful, but it is even more harmful when a person has become dependent on a group (oftentimes through methods the group employs to make the person dependent). It can be crippling to a person's sense of well-being and existence.

It is helpful to keep in mind that these eight dynamics can manifest differently depending on the context and group involved. For instance, a more charismatic group might routinely orchestrate "mystical manipulation" to inculcate spiritual "highs" that bind members to the group. Another group might focus on supposedly intellectual "sacred science" while another might emphasize purity with regular times of confession. However the dynamics are ritualized, the effects tend to be similar: members are brought more and more into control as they are manipulated for the group's ends.

Since Lifton's study, others have put forward ways of understanding how control works in abusive groups. Steven Hassan, a counselor and ex-member of the "Moonies" cult, has introduced what he calls the "BITE model" of understanding how abusive groups control members.

Many people often think of "mind control" or "brainwashing" as an exotic and extreme process, but the opposite is usually true. Mind control is typically accomplished through subtle and progressive actions. If you think about it, this makes sense. Many people who have been in abusive or controlling relationships will remark about how nice and normal the person seemed to be at first and how it incrementally got worse. The same dynamics are true in religious group settings as well.

"BITE" stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional Control. If you've been following this series so far, some of the dynamics Hassan names will be familiar.

Behavior Control

• promote dependence and obedience

• restrict or control sexuality

• control clothing and hairstyle

• exploit you financially

• require you to seek permission for major decisions

• dictate where and with whom you will live

• modify behavior with rewards and punishments

Information Control

• deliberately withhold and distort information

• discourage access to non-approved sources of information

• use information gained in "confession sessions" against you

• gaslight to make you doubt your own memory or experiences

• encourage you to spy and report on others' "misconduct"

Thought Control

• instill black/white, us vs. them, good vs. evil thinking

• change your identity, possibly even your name

• use loaded language and cliches to stop complex thought

• allow only positive thoughts

• reject rational analysis, critical thinking, and doubt

Emotional Control

• instill irrational fears of questioning or leaving the group

• label some emotions as evil, worldly, sinful, or wrong

• teach emotion-stopping techniques to prevent anger, homesickness, and sadness

• promote feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness

• "love bomb" (shower you with praise and attention)

• shun you if you disobey or disbelieve

• teach that there is no happiness or peace outside the group

As I've said elsewhere in this series, some of these ideas or behaviors might ring true for a group, while others might not seem to fit. This goes along with the idea of placing groups on a "spectrum." These are helpful guidelines to see if a group is controlling and manipulating its members. However, there might be ways of control in a group that go beyond the types of control listed above or there might be ways the above dynamics happened to a smaller degree. The main focus of Hassan's work is not to detail every way a group might control someone, but to help people evaluate if they have "freedom of mind."

While abusive groups do many damaging things to their members, perhaps the most personal is how a group or a group leader attempts to puppet members. The attempt to take control of people's very selves is part of what makes spiritual abuse so insidious. Hassan describes the process of gaining control of the mind in three primary steps: Unfreezing, Changing, and Refreezing.

Unfreezing

In unfreezing, a person's reality is "shaken up." The person's "normal way" of looking at things is deeply challenged causing a disorientation. This makes it easier to insert concepts that will bring the person under the group's control. Hassan says that this process can happen in a myriad of ways, including depriving a person of sleep, advising new diets and eating schedules, or using guided meditations, confessions, or group singing. It can also be helped along through a "double bind," which gives an illusion of choice but actually restricts the person's choices. The group attempts to draw into question the person's former loyalties, whether those were to their family, their belief system, other activities, etc., to disorient and confuse the person.

Changing

Once the person has experienced a period of instability and confusion in "unfreezing," the group is able to impose a new identity on the person. This does not necessarily mean a new name or even a new look, but in some groups it might include those dynamics. The person is indoctrinated into the group's beliefs and patterns. The group continuously undercuts the person's old way of doing, believing, and thinking, and gives them, through repetition, new ways of doing, believing, and thinking. The emphasis is on trust, faith, and "letting go" in order for the member to surrender to the group's control.

Refreezing

After the group has broken down and then indoctrinated the member into the group, they can "refreeze" the new identity they have given to the person. The group repeatedly denigrates the person's "old self" and repeatedly emphasizes the "new self." Many groups do this through modeling and through familial language. The person is encouraged to abandon relationships with actual family members for the "true" family of the group.

In many abusive groups, the leaders will routinely come into conflict with the families and parents of their members. They will tote themselves as the "spiritual parents" of adult members and seek to cut ties between members and their families. They might discourage members from living with their family and to move in with other group members instead. This is part of shaping and "refreezing" a new identity that, over time, becomes more and more enmeshed with the group and more dependent on the group leaders for direction.

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Lifton's eight themes of totalism and Hassan's "BITE" model and concepts of Unfreezing, Changing, and Refreezing help capture how groups implement methods of control on their members. This can cause great harm to the members but often brings benefits to group leaders as they are able to grow their movement, extract resources from their members, and implement greater and greater control over the spiritual communities they aim to control. In previous articles, we covered what motivates some leaders to behave this way, such as the "lust to dominate" and the dynamics of traumatic narcissism.

Next week, we will explore the sense of elitism and persecution often associated with abusive groups.

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Series Directory:

1) Introduction

2) The Nature of Spiritual Abuse

3) Power & Authority

4) Manipulation & Control

5) Elitism & Persecution

6) Lifestyles & Experiences

7) Dissent & Discipline

8) Exit & Adjustment (forthcoming)

9) What Now? Healing from Spiritual Abuse (forthcoming)

10) How to Deal with a Spiritual Abuser (forthcoming)